The Spiraling Thoughts and Loss of Soul

November 12, 2020

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Can’t think

Usually it flows

I go with it

And so it goes

How the wind blows

What a blow it’s been

To the brain

And consciousness

Perturbed by the furious world we live in

Loved ones die and cry out and lie

Politics arising on the streets

Black lives mattering but in tatters

We hide away

Economy dies

As do our hopes

We miss our lives outside our homes

Sanctuary is not inside

I mean inside ourselves

The shelf we hold the book of our life

Which god renewed for one more year

Fell

But to be clear

The year didn’t count

Pandemic stole my bank account

and freedom

But I don’t argue to go out and risk you, too

I miss my life outside

But outward I have tried to find refuge and

I refuse to be pacified

What can I suck on?

A baby inside

Reverting

Regressing

When things get so hard

I am so sick of

The loss I withstand

How to be faithful when my best friend is under this land

Buried

Forever

Decomposed

The election too scary to live through once more

Forced to relive her first suicide attempt

After Trump got elected

The Muslim ban

The trans ban in the military

The ban on civility

The open invitation to hate

To escape your online hate groups and retaliate In-person

Marches against black lives and more

My friend didn’t want to relive that again

So I live without her

And I can’t cheer for Biden

Though I’ve been blue since my birth

Because it hurts

And I’m scared That politics don’t work

And the world cannot Heal

Unless we turn inside

We are all locked up now Imprisoned

and yet Unlike Madeba we can’t find the strength

To behind bars resolve

I want to be resolved

Not dissolved

Like salt in water

Disappear but ruin the taste

I want to be seen and stand out

But what for?

Who am I?

Who are you?

Can we even know this

With screens glowing

Anger showing

Without inward knowing

Quiet moments

We cannot

I cannot

I am caught In the lie of mindfulness

Present - is an act

Distracted - Is a fact

Clouded Behind the veil Like all of us

Seeing is believing

But up in smoke

Our eyes telling lies

Lie to us

So we lie to ourselves

And civil war is already happening

Because now it’s us and them

And we can’t see our friends

And we can’t see ourselves

And we can’t leave our house

And we don’t know we’re blind

Open eyes

Closed mind

How can we draw new lines

Interconnected matrix web

Reconnection

Introspection

At the intersection of us and them

And when we see Its us we hate

We can stop and meditate

We cannot hate and perpetuate

The story of us

Protagonists

Being the good will of this land

With weapon in hand

Pacify yourself

Self soothe

And I will too

Turn off the news

Quiet down retract your frown

Gentle mouth

Let out a yawn

Relax your jaw

Don’t carry on Let your mind know it is on

And invite it to turn on low

Simmering not boiling Cooling down

Not toiling

Taking moments to notice the inward process

Of breath

And thoughts

That like waves up and back

Churn the thought maker

Making thoughts chatter

Climb the ladder

Ascend to your awakened heart

Glowing green

Through your throat

Have you spoke?

To your third eye,

It may cry if you don’t follow your intuition

To quiet yourself

To your crown

Lotus petals open to

The entire universe around

Dial back in

Begin again

The matrix Lives inside you and all around you

Ground down through your root

Sit or stand tall

Churn with your creation station

Feel your power center glow

Back to your heart which you now know

Up and down your central axis

You can now always gain access

To your earth

And to your senses

To your strength

And to connection

You turn inward

You love outward

Overcome the doom of this the world

Knowing you can control

The spiraling thoughts and loss of soul

Bring it back

Bring it back

Bring it back